Politically Correct Jokes !!!

1)
The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after
the Attack on the Pentagon:

"I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in
case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything."

2)
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:


Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you.
It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like
to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..


Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

3)
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the
barman,
"Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"

The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks

over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"

Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14

million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!! !"

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry
about
the 14 million Pakistanis!"

4)

Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?

A: Problem...


Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem...


Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem...


Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?

A: ...... Problem Solved!!!

5)
A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a

little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing
the
dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a
hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:

"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".

The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"

Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:

"Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.

"But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?"

The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"

The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog
"

Dosti me darar!!!

After marriage, ek baar Ramu ka ex-roommate Shamu uske ghar usse milne
aata hai.Ramu and his beautiful bride Situ really took care of Shamu.

He decided to stay there for the night. So, Ramu setup a dari and

bedsheet for him on the verandah floor.

At this Shamu retorted, "khud bistar par aur mujhe zamin par?

lagta hai dosti main daraar aa gayi hai!"

So,Ramu pacified him and setup a bed for him.

Shamu again retorted , "khud andar aur mujhe bahar? lagta

hai dosti main daraar aa gayi hai!"

Ramu felt bad and set Shamu's bed in the drawing room.

Shamu objected, "khud andar ac room main aur mujhe bahar

garmi main? Ek waqt tha ki ham donon sote the ek hi kamre main!"!

Ramu said that he was a married man now but Shamu again

said, "lagta hai dosti main daraar aa gayi hai!"

Ramu's bedroom could accomodate only a bed and a sofa, so

Ramu setup Shamu in his bedroom on the sofa where the ac was fitted.

After some time, Shamu woke up Ramu and said that he was

uncomfortable on the lumpy sofa.

At this, Ramu was very irritated and said,
"Hadd ho gayi yar!! A line has to be drawn somewhere!"

Shamu said, "Bas kya!! tu shadi ke baad ek dam badal gaya

hai.lagta hai dosti main daraar aa gayi hai!"
Ramu, the good soul that he was, relented and let Shamu

sleep on the bed. His wife slept on the left side of the bed, himself

in between and Shamu on the right.
After some time Shamu again complained that he wanted to

sleep in the middle of the bed as he kept falling off the bed when he changed sides.

Ramu wailed, "This is too much, yaar! There is a limit to everything..."

Shamu became very emotional and said, "Bas kya, you don't trust ME?!?

lagta hai dosti main definitely daraar aa gayi hai!"

Finally, good old Ramu gave in again, and let him old pesty

pal sleep between him and his wife.

In the morning, Shamu told Ramu, "Yaar, your wife is a very

chalu lady. She held my tool all through the night !!!"

Ramu quietly replied "That was me, and not my wife. I just had to do it!"

Pappu Can't Code Saala

[Kit kit kat kat, kat kit kat kat, Kit kit kat kat, Let's code] 2
Hai bachelor (hai bachelor), Has lotsa dollar (lotsa dollar)...
Hai bachelor, has lotsa dollar...
Spectacular! He's a developer (he's a developer, he's a developer).. .
Pappu ka dimaag tez hai, Pappu ko breaks ka craze hai...
Pappu ka chashma thick black, Pappu dikhta geek hai (geek hai)...
Swatch ki ghadi hathon mein, Gale mein tag company wala...
[Par Pappu can't code saala] 2
Han Pappu code likh nahi sakta!

Paida Pappu hua to outsourcing aa thamki...
Angrezon ke muh se nikhli gandhe gaaliyon ki dhamki...
(hey array array) Pappu karta hey cut copy paste...
(hey array array) Tester logon ka time karta hey waste...
(hey array array) Pappu manager logon ka yaar hai...
(hey array array) Pappu beer peene mein toh star hai...
[But Pappu can't code saala] 2
Haan Pappu code likh nahi sakta!

Papa kehte the bada kaam karega...
Nahi patha tha Pappu bus maska marega...
(hey array array) Pappu ko karna hai MBA...
(hey array array) Manata hai onsite jaise ho holiday...
(hey array array) Pappu keyboard bajata hai...
(hey array array) Jahaan bhi jata hai, wapus aa jata hai...
[Cos Pappu can't code saala] 2
Haan Pappu code likh nahi sakta...
Yeah...Pappu can't code saala...!!!

Just Genelia !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

આ જુઓ એક સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયર જઇ રહીયો છે…

પોતાના 'પ્રોજેક્ટ'ના બોજ હેઠળ દબાઇ જઇ રહીયો છે,
આ જુઓ એક સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયર જઇ રહીયો છે…

જીંદગીથી હરેલો છે, પણ 'બગ'થી હાર નથી માનતો,
પોતાની 'એપ્લીકેશન'ની એક એક લીટી યાદ છે,

પણ આજે પગમાં ક્યા રંગના મોજા છે તે યાદ નથી,

દિવસ પર દિવસ એક 'એક્સેલ' ફાઇલ બનાવી રહીયો છે,

આ જુઓ એક સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયર જઇ રહીયો છે…

દસ હજાર લીટીનાં 'કોડ'માં 'એરર' શોધી લે છે પણ, મજબૂર મીત્રોની આંખમાં આંસુ દેખાતા નથી,

'કોમ્પ્યુટર'માં હજારો 'વિન્ડો' છે, પણ દિલની બારી પર કોઇ દસ્તક સંભળાતી નથી,

શનિ-રવિ નહાતો નથી ને આખુ અઠવાડિયું નહાતો રહીયો છે,

આ જુઓ એક સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયર જઇ રહીયો છે…

'કૉડીંગ' કરતા કરતા ખબર જ ના રહી, 'બગ'ની 'પ્રાયોરીટી' ક્યારે માતા-પિતા કરતા વધી ગઇ,

પુસ્તકોમાં ગુલાબ રાખવાવાળો 'સિગારેટ'ના ધુમાડામાં ખોવાઇ ગયો, દિલની જમીન પરથી ઇછ્છાઓની વિદાઇ થઇ ગઇ,

શનિ-રવિ પર દારુ પીયને મજા કરી રહીયો છે,

આ જુઓ એક સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયર જઇ રહીયો છે…

મજા લેવી જ હોઇ જો એની તો પૂછી લો, પગાર વધારાની 'પાર્ટી' ક્યારે આપે છે?

ને મજાક ઉડાવવી હોઇ તો પૂછી લો, 'ઓન-સાઇટ' ક્યારે જઇ રહીયો છે?

આ જુઓ 'ઓન-સાઇટ' પરથી પછા ફરેલા સાથી-મિત્રની ચોકલેટ ખાઇ રહીયો છે,

આ જુઓ એક સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયર જઇ રહીયો છે…

ખર્ચા વધી રહ્યા છે, વાળ ઓછા થઇ રહીયા છે,

KRAની તારીખ આવતી નથી ને 'ઇંકમ-ટેક્સ્'નો સિતમ થઇ રહીયો છે,

આ જુઓ પાછી 'બસ' છૂટી ગઇ ને 'રિક્શા'થી આવી રહીયો છે,

આ જુઓ એક સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયર જઇ રહીયો છે…

'પીત્ઝા' ગળે નથી ઉતરતા તો સાથે 'કોક'ના ઘૂંટડા લઇ રહીયો છે,

'ઓફિસ'ની થાળી જોઇ મોઢુ બગાડે છે, માઁના હાથનું જમવાનું યાદ આવી રહીયુ છે,

સરસ ભેળ મળે છે છતાં મફતનો નાસ્તો ખાઇ રહીયો છે,

આ જુઓ એક સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયર જઇ રહીયો છે…

તમે અત્યાર સુધી ઘણી લીધી હશે ચુંટકીઓ,

સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયરના જીવનનું સત્ય બતાવતી આ છેલ્લી થોડી પંક્તિઓ,

હજારોના પગારવાળો 'કંપની'ના ખિસ્સામાં કરોડો ભરી રહિયો છે,

સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયર એ જ બની શકે જે લોઢાનું કાળજુ રખતો હોઇ,

અમે લોકો જીવી જીવીને મરી રહીયા છીએ, જીંદગી છે કંઇક આવી,

એક 'ફોજી'ની નોકરી, એક સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયરની નોકરી, બંને એક જેવી,

આ જુઓ એક સોફ્ટવેઅર એન્જીનિયર જઇ રહીયો છે…

Try Again

A twenty-one-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a test kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and
tells them,
"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll provide support."

"If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two supermarket stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "Then you try again."

Just Laugh ........

Two men

met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st:

Forget mine.

Lets find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

**********


What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever!!!"


**********

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic

is when both are pregnant.

**********

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

**********

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are

customer complaints.


**********

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

**********

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints... --

**********


A Gujarati couple in court was fighting for the custody of a son.

Husband: Chokro Maro Che!

Wife: Wah Bhai Wah! Tapeli Mari, Dudh Maru, Ek Tipu Merwan Maryu Etle Dahi Taru Thayu, Em?